As you can imagine, I've been thinking a lot about John over the last week or so and have been struggling to identify what defined him. For me, it was that John was a man of such contrast... His life was bathed in both sunshine and shadow as he had lived with the sometimes debilitating effects of epilepsy since childhood. He was tough, yet tender (kind of guy who was not afraid to say he loved our dear Mum whom we sadly lost in 1998, but wouldn't have hesitated to ‘call they boys in’ if he thought I was being troubled in any way!); he was strong, yet sensitive (he was a well known bouncer in the clubs of Cardiff for many years, but, I recall when our dear cousin Declan died in similar circumstances to John some 12 years back, that John had to leave the church for a while as he simply couldn’t stem the flow of tears). John valued his friends and family hugely, being a fiercely loyal kind of person who would (and often did) give his last penny to a friend in need, despite having limited means of his own at times. His caring side was also demonstrated through his work. He spent a good chunk of his life as a carer for children and adults with both physical and learning disabilities and also taught english to students in Thailand. On top of this, he volunteered on occasion to work with a charity looking after homeless people in his native Cardiff. I give to charity monthly through my salary – but John, John really gave to charity A saint he was not however and he loved the beer,fags and sometimes other addictive substances (!) as well as watching his beloved Cardiff City play at home - which some might say was also a vice... Going back a few years, some of you will know he also got into a fair few scrapes with the local constabulary, particularly around the early eighties when actively involved in the Cardiff punk scene, not to mention the infamous poll tax and Wapping riots. Our family heritage blessed us with strong links to Ireland and John loved to sing old Irish rebel songs when his vocal chords were suitably lubricated. He was something of a rebel himself and rejected ‘'convention', preferring to carve his own path through life in his own inimitable fashion. This led to both tears and triumph in good measure. The phrase 'live fast, die young' must surely apply to John. It certainly applied to his poor old heart in the end.... In recent years though, John had tempered his innate need to be different and his wanderlust for travel around Asia to set up home with his girlfriend Carolyn and use his hard won law degree to start a legal career as an accredited police station representative in Cardiff. So the local bobbies got to see a different side of him at last! At this point I would like to say a particular thanks to Nadim Majid for employing John. Nad may have thought he was just giving John a job, but the reality was he was giving him a priceless gift – the gift of being able to tell our Dad, just before he died of cancer last year, that he finally had a ‘proper job’. I remember John’s last few years as being amongst his most stable and happy. This was due in no small measure to the love and support of his girlfriend Carolyn, who, I have learned over the past few days is a remarkable person. I will never be able to thank her enough for loving John the way she did. My big brother, John was born in Cardiff on June 19, 1962. He died suddenly, without warning on the evening of 19th February 2008. I will remember him with boundless love and affection, as someone who lived his short life to the full and who most definitely did things 'his way'. I feel privileged to have had him as my big brother and my 'protector', a role which my Mum told me he assumed almost from the moment I was born by 'guarding' my cot – early signs of a budding doorman no doubt! I have not yet begun to contemplate the enormity of his loss......but will take great comfort in knowing so many of you thought so much of him. I fervently hope that he now rests in the lasting peace he so deserves - a peace which sometimes eluded him in life.